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    But the world of online dating can be difficult in a very specific way for those who identify as multiracial. Not necessarily worse, but different. A "mixed" bag as they say.

    Thanks to a combination of unchecked biases and overt fetishizing, the dating world is a minefield for mixed race people. As a biracial person and the creator of the biraciallookslike hashtag, I've experienced this firsthand. Whether it's some drunk guy saying, "You're so hot, I don't care that you're Hispanic" I'm not Hispanicor someone finding out my dad is from India and then only wanting to talk about curry and Bollywood, my experiences as a multiracial woman have been marked by people just not knowing how to bring up race without being incredibly awkward.

    Many people who participated in biraciallookslike brought up similar experiences. It just makes them, at best, racially insensitive, and at worst an asshole. In the United States, interracial dating is becoming increasingly common and socially accepted. People are weird about race in the dating world, though, and despite wanting to come off as progressive and open-minded, many dating app users still have racial biases.

    InOKCupid data showed that women of all races overwhelmingly wanted to date people of their own race, while non-black men didn't want to date black women and non-Asian women weren't interested in dating Asian men. When OKCupid crunched the numbers again innot much had changed: Though more people said they were open to interracial datingthe numbers showed racial biases were still in play.

    Some users are upfront about their racial preferences on their profiles. In a Medium piece on Grindr racismwriter Anthony Berteaux wrote that many Grindr profiles in his area featured derogatory terms about race — for instance, referring to men of Indian or East Asian descent as "curry" and "rice.

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    Then there are those dating site users who bring up race as a preference rather than a dealbreaker. While dating app users may appear to not be into interracial dating, it's a different story when someone appears ethnically ambiguous. A recent UMass studyfor instance, found that online daters often prefer mixed-race over mono-racial individuals, with Asian and white men reporting that they preferred women of mixed Asian and white descent.

    Many users speak of their ambiguous ethnicity being used as a pick up line, either through direct questioning or comments like, "You look so exotic. It's a question many mixed race people are familiar with, a subtle code for "Why don't you look the way I think you should?

    While on the website, she put her racial background on her profile. While that might have assuaged users' initial curiosity, people who messaged her kept harping on the subject. Alyssa got messages like "You're Japanese? Like Alyssa, she frequently receives messages pointing out how "exotic-looking" she is. But she also frequently interacts with white men who try to flatter her by saying they picked her profile specifically because they don't like to date white women.

    Instead, they usually end up making mixed race people feel they're nothing more than fodder for a genetic guessing game of "what are you? Therefore, it is ultimately a discriminatory sentiment. What they're really saying, however, is crystal-clear: Yet even though they found it tiring to field endless questions about what "mix" they were, some multiracial people told Mic that they preferred online dating to dating IRL, as it gave them the ability to be upfront about their identity on their profile.

    Alyssa said that putting your racial background on your profile preempts the need to have an awkward conversation about it later on. As anyone who's ever received a dick pic knows, the distance an Internet connection provides gives people the freedom to be bolder — and in many cases, ruder — than they would be in real life. She added, "It's so hard to think of a time when someone has brought up my heritage respectfully. I don't think it's happened yet.

    Interracial Dating - Online FREE and Easy

    Ultimately, there is no polite or respectful way to ask someone what their race is on a dating app or IRL. The best way to find out the answer to that question is to just wait for the person to bring it up themselves — which it inevitably will along with the other details that surface in the getting-to-know-you process, such as where you went to college or how many siblings you have.

    Questions like "where are you from? The implication is that you're other, that you somehow don't belong. You are a curiosity instead of a possible date. The Internet has a tendency to amplify both our best and worst traits.

    Our racial biases fall in the latter category. It would be great if no one came into the dating world with racial biases, but when people are forced to make snap judgments from profile photos on apps like Tinder and Grindr, even those with the best intentions can say or do offensive things they might not necessarily mean, or categorize and fetishize people without realizing it. We make a lot of assumptions based on physical appearance, and a person's racial background is no exception.

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    So if you've just matched with a woman on Tinder and you think, "wow, you don't look Chinese" is an acceptable opener, think again. Don't bring it up. Look past the "exotic" picture and try to see whether they're a person you could enjoy spending time with.

    Here's the Uncomfortable Truth About What Dating Is Like as a Biracial Person

    And if the answer is yes, for the love of God, don't ask "what" they are.
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    Dating Games: Why you're getting mixed messages — Susan Winter


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