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    What Dating Was Really Like In The s And s Thought Catalog

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    Mar 01, Skip Burzumato Confused by the dating scene? It might help to see where it came from. Whenever possible, I love to use the word courtship in everyday conversation with young and old alike.

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    It's one of those words with which most people are familiar, but have vastly differing opinions of what it means. For many, courtship is an old-fashioned word.

    It summons visions of men wooing women with small tokens of affection and asking their hand in marriage on bended knee. For social scientists, studies of courtship usually look at the process of "mate selection. For the purpose of this article the preparation for and proposal of marriage is what makes the act qualify as courtship.

    The Decline of American Courtship, prior to the early 20th century, courtship involved one man and one woman spending intentional time together to get to know each other with the expressed purpose of evaluating the other as a potential husband or wife.

    The man and the woman usually were members of the same community, and the courting usually was done in the woman's home in the presence and under the watchful eye of her family, most often Mom and brothers. However, between the late s and the first few decades of the s the new system of "dating" added new stages to courtship. One of the most obvious changes was that it multiplied the number of partners from serious to casual an individual was likely to have before marriage. So one important point to understand right up front and about which many inside and outside the church are confused is that we have not moved from a courtship system to a dating system, but instead, we have added a dating system into our courtship system.

    Since most young adults will marry, the process employed in finding a husband and wife is still considered courtship. However, an extra layer, what we call "dating," has been added to the process of courting.

    If you are familiar with computer programming terminology, you can liken dating to a sub-routine that has been added to the system of courtship. Over the course of this two-part article, I would like to trace how this change occurred, especially concentrating on the origin of this dating "subroutine. Courtship in Twentieth Century America. Bailey observes that by the s and '40s, with the advent of the "date" which we will look at more fully in the next installment courtship increasingly took place in public spaces such as movie theaters and dance halls, removed by distance and by anonymity from the sheltering and controlling contexts of the home and local community.

    Keeping company in the family parlor was replaced by dining and dancing, movies, and "parking. At the same time that the public entertainment culture was on the rise in the early 20th century, a proliferation of magazine articles and books began offering advice about courtship, marriage and the relationship between the sexes.

    As Ken Myers says in Wandering Toward the Altar, from the late s on, young people knew, down to the percentage point, what their peers throughout the country thought and did.

    They knew what was "normal.

    What Dating Was Really Like In The s And s Thought Catalog

    Thirdly, we see a change in sexual norms in the West. With the onset of the sexual revolution the question arose, "Why would a man court and woo a woman when he could gain a chief benefit of marriage, namely sexual gratification, for free with no commitment? Closely related to this is the invention of birth control. There is too much that could be said here, so I'll be brief. Simply put, with the onset of the widespread use of chemical and other means of birth control, the language of procreation — of having children — was separated from the language of marriage.

    Strategies for an American Renaissance, under the old system of courtship, marriage and bringing a child into the world were inextricably linked. With the ever decreasing risk of pregnancy, having sex and being married were no longer tied together.


    Fourthly, we find a change in the models and metaphors used to describe the home and family. Prior to the 20th century, when we talked about courtship we used language and metaphors of home and family: The new system of courtship that played itself out in the entertainment culture and public square largely was understood and described by the advice and "expert" class with metaphors taken from modern industrial capitalism.

    The new courtship system gave importance to competition and worried about how to control it ; it valued consumption; it presented an economic model of scarcity and abundance of men and women as a guide to personal affairs — There aren't that many good men left, so you better get one while the gettin' is good!

    This new language of courtship had great symbolic importance and continues to shape the way we think, speak and act concerning relationships to this day. Have you ever known a girl who went out with a guy who was a complete dolt but who could help her get ahead socially? And not to pick on women, it just as easily happens in reverse. Those decisions are based more on economic theory of the 19th and 20th centuries than on any sort of biblical notion of desire for the opposite sex.

    So these are four important cultural forces in the early part of the 20th century that assisted in moving our culture from the older courtship system that existed prior to the late 19th century, to a courtship system that includes "dating," which, I will argue in the next article, is much more ambiguous and confusing.

    I will also talk about dating itself including the origination of the word dateand how it has changed over time. Copyright Skip Burzumato. Like what you see?

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