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    Share this article Share Henning Wiechers, who conducted the recent survey on behalf of Metaflake, the vast German online dating agency, claimed that when people are too old to go clubbing, they need to access a second marriage market — and that the internet provides the perfect forum.

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    After my partner died, I thought to myself: According to a new survey, the lucrative online dating industry is growing fastest in the plus age group I put up my profile and waited for the responses to pour in at the same time as combing the sites — from the ubquitous eHarmony to overfifties. Disappointment soon set in. In most cases, the photos were an instant turn-off, as they all seemed to be bald and have white beards as well as inane grins and bad teeth.

    I soon learned this was online dating-speak for hugely overweight. None seemed to have any of the extra pounds that actually counted, namely money.

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    Most had long lists of hobbies and although almost all pronounced themselves witty and with a good sense of humour, there was nothing remotely amusing about anything they said.

    Yet they were very exacting in their requirements for a new partner; they all wanted somebody slim, elegant, solvent — and younger than themselves. A few sounded kinky — to be avoided at all costs. But some might be better than they sounded, I thought, so, lowering my standards, I took the plunge and sent a few messages. Only two did I actually meet. One, a professor of architecture, sounded promising, and we met in a pub outside Oxford.


    It was hopeless from the start. At 63 he had a teenage son, plus he was paying maintenance for two other children from an earlier relationship. We had nothing whatever in common, and I fled as soon as decently possible. But for the internet, we would never have come together, and he taught me another truth — that as well as enabling you to find your soulmate, the internet also gives you a chance to meet somebody who is the exact opposite of what you are seeking in a partner.

    With the other one, I did what online daters are advised never to do, and met him at his home, thinking that he was unlikely to be a serial rapist. He said he was a writer, so that was clearly, for me at least, a major plus. What he was really after was a nurse or housekeeper.

    The idyllic cottage was monstrously untidy, littered with papers, dusty and dirty and he was fusty and not very clean either. Then, miraculously, I found somebody who sounded just right, a film producer with several well-known films to his credit.

    Our profiles seemed to be a good match — with many sites, you are given a compatibility rating, and this one was more than 80 per cent. I contacted him and we had several lively and interesting telephone conversations, but when it came to meeting, he was evasive. He eventually revealed why. At least 25 per cent of men who go onto these sites are married and wanting a fling rather than a serious relationship.

    Over several years of on-off internet dating, I have never found anybody suitable to be even a casual friend, let alone an intimate partner. Most men who have tried it tell me the same story; that they cannot, however hard they try, find the woman of their dreams.

    Another man said that he met somebody who seemed great and they got on so well that they arranged to go on a holiday to South Africa together. He paid upfront and she was going to reimburse him for her share of the cost.

    This meant he was left to pay for the whole trip, so he went on his own because it was too late to cancel. Both men and women seeking older partners on the internet report that meeting dates in the flesh usually means confronting a reality which falls far short of the attractive images cultivated online.

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    They are almost always shorter and older than they make out, few have any money, most are overweight and often have serious health issues as well. And I hate to say it, but men are always keener to meet women younger than them, rather than sophisticated women from their own generation. I have two friends in their 60s who have met people online that they have gone on to marry, and they appear to be blissfully happy.

    But, as I know, the industry, like the Lottery, makes its millions from the majority who buy a hope that will never be fulfilled. Advertisement Share or comment on this article: Dating sites for us oldies?

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